The Monthly Rag

Ahh…2010 (we’ll get to you shortly, 2011). How I wish I could praise you in hindsight for the many generous blessings you bestowed upon us lowly mortals, but alas, with your wretched passing, you somehow managed to rival and even surpass the entire bulk of the accursed ‘08 and dismal ‘09. Unbelievable accomplishment, really, and I for one will not be missing a single solitary moment of your vile shenanigans.

With the turn of yet another year, I was hoping the channels were merely clearing to shepherd in some much better fortune. Judging by the track record of the past few we here at the Rag were prepared to keep our guard way up there in the back yard, and I’m pleased to announce now that our defensive decision wasn’t without warrant. 2011 has run a gamut of mediocre to abysmal, with everything from multiple health issues, bill screwings, deaths, and terrible 3D movies. As California continues on its economic hot rails to hell (“no, no…it’s getting better, honest!”) and mass produced performing art declines to its most vulgar, mother nature seems to have a hidden agenda all her own. The coast barely stumbled out of winter, at the same time that everyone else over the mountains were melting like crayons, and then after two weeks of sun that polar autumn chill kicked in anyway. I’ll leave you to predict whatever future you see fit to declare concerning our impending climate, because frankly I don’t care all that much and nobody seems to want to agree on anything. Truths are hard to come by when everything is a sales pitch, so as it looks to me, we’ll either endure all the unpredictable shifts, or eventually go the way of the giant upright lizard.

That doesn’t mean you should be a complete an utter knob, though. Recycle. Use common sense. Don’t have sex in the Purity parking lot at 11 pm and make me have to walk around you. Some of this stuff should be a no-brainer, people. Rise above that persistent inner monkey.

Now, on to the big question: “where the hell is A Killer in our Midst 4, Mr. Sean Harris?” Would you believe that our titular villain has STOLEN the entire work print and refuses to release it back to me unless he’s given top billing, medical benefits, and a new iMac? No? Not buying that one again, I see. How about I use the tried and true “the computer ate all the scenes” again, just for the sake of consistency?

All right, fine. I screwed up. I was doing so well, too, putting out that nifty teaser trailer in July ‘09 and working at a reasonable pace to have a big killer blowout just in time for the coming Halloween. Then a little problem happened upstairs in the nero department, and now I’m sad, you’re sad, and everyone loses. Fear not, however, as I’ve upped my medicinal dosage and am repeatedly giving me self shock treatments to not only stop stuttering, but also get out and finish making what most of you probably won’t even pay to watch.

As I’ve said in the new site’s intro, the time of the freelance do-it yourself-with-ink-and-glue journalism is long dead and over, having moved itself entirely to the world wide interweb. I’ve held out stubbornly as long as I could, but with costs they way they are and the general apathy of the young and middle aged anyway (if it doesn’t come up on their droid or iphone in an instant, it isn’t worth sparing a nano-second of attention span on) what exactly is the point of sinking further into debt and doing all the legwork?

Until next rant, it’s me here signing off, reminding you that if there’s a new way…Dave Mustaine will surely beat us all in line.